Ephesians 2:8-10 For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith – and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God – not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God’s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.
My perfectionist heart struggles with this scripture. My mind understands that I am saved by grace, through the gift of faith given by God. Yet, part of me wants everything to be perfect and controls every detail to make sure it is perfect; that part of me is convinced I need to act the part in order to be truly saved.
If my salvation were dependent on my actions, I would be doomed. I am flawed, easily swayed most of the time and my follow through is nearly non-existent. So if my salvation has nothing to do with what I can do, why do I feel like I need to try to so hard to be a good christian? Isn’t accepting Jesus as my Lord and asking forgiveness for my sins enough? Doesn’t that mean I am a Christian? Where did we get this idea that to be Christian we must act or be a certain way?
I am so grateful for this reminder that it isn’t about me… I can do nothing apart from Christ that is good and worthy. Even my own salvation is dependent on Him.
How about you? Do you find yourself striving to fit the role of a Christian?
Day 22 – Today is a great example of just how flawed I am. I seriously could not stop eating. Thankfully I managed to stay on the plan, but I just kept shoving food into my pie-hole and had zero willpower. I felt so hungry!
I know food is how I deal with emotion, so maybe I am a little extra stressed. Or maybe it has to do with my period starting today (Sorry, TMI, but PMS is a real thing, people). All I know is it was a strange day all around.
I ate my usual oatmeal this morning. Then I decided to lay down on the couch for a few minutes of rest. After about 30 minutes of light dozing, I woke up and my arms were so itchy. I scratched them as I was waking, and realized they were REALLY itchy. I went to look at them in better light and I had welts up and down my arms, from just above my elbow to my wrist. It was an obvious reaction to something, but what? They only thing I did differently today was to take my vitamins all at the same time. And I drank alkaline water with them. I have been taking the same vitamins for about a year, and I normally take half of them in the morning and half at night. I didn’t want to forget about the second half today, so I took them all at once. I put some Neosporin anti-itch cream on my arms and within and hour they were back to normal, and it hasn’t come back since. I still have no idea what caused that reaction, but it was startling, to say the least.
For lunch I ate tacos again because I can’t bear to waste those yummy lentil tacos. I took at smoothie and a Califia Coffee to work, and when I came home I ate some more corn chowder and was going to eat some more bread but that wasn’t going to happen. Apparently this recipe turns into a literal brick over night. I could hardly even cut it. Lucky for my family, no one ticked me off at that moment because if I threw the day old bread at them it would be enough to cause serious injury. For the record, I haven’t thrown something out of anger in years (progress) but the potential is always there.
I realize this doesn’t sound like a ton of food, but I didn’t mention the celery with PB I ate after breakfast, or the half bag of pico de gallo chips I ate while the tacos were heating. Or the chips and hummus I ate at work, or the corn chips I ate with my dinner since my bread was inedible. And then I topped it off with some golden milk for balance. You know, after eating all that salt, I figure I need some anti inflammatory golden milk to help me out. Especially since it’s my time of the month. I am hoping the golden milk will fend off the major cramping I normally get on day 2 or 3. I will let you know how that pans out…
Anyway… that’s it for me today. It’s been a tough one and I’m ready to sleep and start again tomorrow.
Day 22 – bowing out.